I don’t rant about much. I’m a happy person writing about my adventures and generally lovin life. But this time Carnival Cruise Lines has got me going. So bear with me while I vent a bit.

I hate it when someone insults my intelligence. I hate it even worse when a corporation does it. Are those people sitting in their corporate board rooms so full of themselves and their own arrogance that they think the rest of the world… and their own customers don’t have enough intelligence to see through the crapola they try to pass off. I think they must be… full of it that is.

So you ask, what’s the latest that has got me off into this rant. Why it’s Carnival Cruise Line of course. For years and years they have had the policy that people could bring water and sodas on board their ships. To be specific, bringing bottled water and bottled soda was allowed… and that was in writing.

Now the boardroom has come up with a new idea. Do not allow bottled water or soda to be brought on board. To make up for that they are now selling 12 packs of water for $2.99 if you pre-purchace it before the cruise… $4.99 if you buy it after the cruise begins. These will be 500ml bottles with the Carnival Logo on them.

So you figure it out. Most stores sell 24 packs with prices ranging from $2.50 for the store brands to $5.00 for “designer brands.” I generally pay about $3.50 for a 24 pack.

To “sell” this to their customers, Carnival claims that they are instituting this policy for “safety” reasons. They claim that since some customers smuggle booze on board, it is unsafe because some of those “unmonitored” customers will drink too much. Yeah… that’s the ticket.

If they were really concerned about safety, then they wouldn’t delay a month to institute the policy. And if they were really worried about customers drinking too much, they would limit their alcohol sales much more than they do. There are plenty of drunks on their ships that never smuggle a drop of booze on board.

Now Carnival has taken another step. Booze sales on board ship is a huge business for the cruise lines. Bottles of booze are sold in duty free shops on board, but are held by the cruise lines till the end of the cruise. Also, bottles of booze purchased while ashore in ports of calls must be checked in when re-boarding the ship.  For years it has been Carnival policy to distribute booze purchased on board or while in ports of call on the last night  of the cruise. Sure, folks cracked open their booze and Carnival didn’t get those revenues. Now they are instituting a new policy of requiring their customers to stand in line and pick up their purchased booze the morning they are getting off the ship.

Once again, Carnival is claiming “Safety”. They claim they don’t want unmonitored booze drinking the last night of the cruise. Who do they think they are fooling. Some folks will be getting into a car and driving around 7 AM. Are they going to cut off booze sales early in the evening to prevent someone getting behind the wheel the next day. If it was really a safety issue they would do just that.

If they were only worried about the “bottom line” they would do just what they are doing. They would continue to sell booze at their bars till the wee hours of the morning. They would not allow customers with purchased booze to pick it up till just before they get off the boat. And then they would come up with some BS justification to try to convince their customers the board members just have their customer’s well being and safety in mind.

Well, board members… we’re not that gullible. I understand that you are trying to maximize profit. You see that to be your job. Well, this time you’ve stepped on your dangly-bits. The King wears no clothes… and Pinocchio’s nose grows even longer. Next time just tell the truth.

Leader of the Carnival Board Room.